Tips for Bringing Home your Newborn

If you’re pregnant or have ever been pregnant, you have likely been given more advice than you could possibly handle. I remember that as soon as I announced my pregnancy, family, friends, and even strangers all had something to say about what kind of Mother I should be. I’m going to make a bold statement and argue that these are the things you actually need to know before bringing home your baby. Don’t worry, if your baby is already here, these things will still be helpful.

Communication

Communication. Communication, Communication. To the point of over communicating ! This whole post will have a through line of communication but it needs to be said first! If you’re reading this, you probably know that I’m a therapist that works with specifically Mothers, so I have quite a bit of experience in this department. I will always encourage more communication. Tell your spouse what you’re worried about, what you’re excited about, what you have envisioned for the first few weeks of bringing home your newborn. Tell them what your favorite snacks are, what your preferences are while birthing. One thing that helped us was having a doula to help communicate our birth preferences. Thanks to Jessica Gonzales at Heart of Houston! Tell them what you need or don’t need when you are stressed. Tell family members what your plan is after bringing home your baby. Tell friends and family what your limits are when it comes to visitors. Tell them what you’d like them to bring or not bring (like toddlers with runny noses!!!) This also might mean sitting down with your spouse several times over the pregnancy to talk about these things. Surprises will come up after the baby is here, but when you have a foundation of these discussions it will be easier.

One thing we also decided (probably way too late but it was helpful none the less) was that whatever was said in the middle of the night was forgiven. You’re tired, you’re stressed, your brain is not working properly, and you say things you don’t mean. Another thing that we decided early on, was that a daily shower was not negotiable! That was an expectation I was not willing to lower, I needed it for my comfort and sanity. Which leads me to expectations.

Lower your Expectations

This hurt me in the beginning because I did not like the idea of things not being perfect. Enneagram 1 over here. But please do it. The house does not have to be clean every day, you can use paper plates, you can buy already chopped veggies (I don’t know why this was the hardest for me). A friend shared a long time “Do the easy thing” (Thanks, Christina!) This has stayed with me and been so helpful for my sanity. With a newborn, it meant leaving the dishes, or walking outside for the baby’s nap instead of staying home and folding laundry. Also, lower your expectations for the things you wanted to do a certain way. This means being flexible. If you wanted to use a pacifier, and your kid decided they hate them, it’s ok. If you wanted to use that sleep schedule that your friend uses, but it doesn’t work for your baby/family/desires to leave the house, it’s ok! This is a short time, and it is ok to have lower expectations. You can get your family on a house cleaning schedule in the future, I promise! This time is for slowing down.

Minimize the Voices

What do I mean by this? Pick 2-3 Friends/Family/Authors that you trust for parenting advice, and let everything else roll off you. This might mean taking a social media break if seeing others make different parenting choices makes you question your own. There are a million different choices parents can make, and so many factors go into every decision. There is no way two parents will be exactly alike, and THAT’S OK! (Theme of this post!) Maybe you have a girlfriend that has 5 kids, and you love how intentional she is. She might be one of those people that you ask for advice about what to do when…(insert crazy baby thing you never thought of that makes you google at 2:30 in the morning). Maybe you have your Mom, or Sister who has been there before you and can help. Maybe you picked a book or blog that is super helpful and you reference back to. It doesn’t have to be exactly 3 voices but whatever you do, minimize the noise. The overall theme I hear from Mothers is the overwhelm of so many voices, people doing things differently, and the pressure to get it all right. We will not get it all right. Parenting is a whole lot of trial and error.

Set up Support

I’m saving the best for last ! This is so important. I know you think you and your spouse are grown ups and can take care of yourselves, but now you are adding another human being to your home that cannot do anything on their own. Accept help!! If your parents want to come and stay and be helpful, let them! Remember, communicate your desires. You want them to cook meals and do the chores while you take care of the baby? Great! You want them to hold the baby so you can take a nap? Great! You want them to help in the middle of the night? Amazing! Just be clear. Let them know your expectations, and if they agree… you guessed it, great !! If you catch my drift here, when it comes to people helping, the best thing is communication. If you are part of a group, have a friend send out a meal train for you. Let your friends know your coffee order. Get with a friend one day, and batch cook some meals to put in the freezer. If your friend asks if you need anything from the grocery store, let her pick something up for you. If you can outsource things, do it! Let your spouse know if you want him to be the communicator once the baby is born. He can coordinate food drop offs, or be the one to tell visitors it’s not a great time. I remember once that friends came over to bring us dinner when Charlotte was born, and she just started doing our dishes. I was so shocked, and I tried to refuse, but she insisted. I think back to that moment often as such a simple and sweet way to love someone. And now, I love doing those things for others. Bottom line is: let people help.

It is so important to me that Mothers are taken care of especially when they are bringing their babies home. This is a huge reason why photographing Newborn sessions are hands down my favorite. The time we talk on the phone before your session lets me know what’s important to you. When I come into your home, it’s another person that is there to take care of you, and of course make you feel at ease at such a new and raw moment in time.

I hope these are helpful to all you new Mothers, and good reminders for second, third, and fourth (or more!) time Mothers. Veteran Moms, Let me know what you would add to this list!